Stupid Anatomy. :(

Drawing officially stresses me out. ...Which really is a shame, because I kind of enjoy doing it -- and I have been doing it off-and-on since I was a kid. You'd think, since I've been doing it long enough, I'd be a pro or something -- at least be as good as people who've "mastered" drawing ... but I'm not -- the reason being is that I have mild cerebral palsy, so much having to do with hands-on skills can often be a struggle -- which is pretty ironic, if you think about it, since I work in a kids clothing store, folding shirts and pants all day (and yes, that can even be a major pain in the ass for me).

In fact, only a good few of my pieces come out relatively half-decent. Yes, okay, I'm admitting right now that this blog post is mainly here to stroke my bruised ego and to let off a little steam. But you gotta admit, it's really a potful of piss when something you've been doing for years doesn't in fact work out for you -- despite the fact that you're friggin' determined to keep at it.

Actually, I'm starting to see this pattern with my writing. I love to write, but I'll get these random -- and frequent -- days where I just sit back and think, "Wow. My fiction skills are complete shit." Sure, I kick ass when it come to writing dialogue, but when description rears its ugly head, my brain turns into pancakes. This pisses me off to no end, because when I write, everything plays out in my head like a movie, and I want to write what I internally see, and in my opinion, most of the time I can't convey that. ...I mean, I've been working on the first book of a trilogy for EIGHT-GOD-FORSAKEN-YEARS and it STILL needs work past its FIFTEENTH DRAFT.

Beads of cool water dripped from Eri’s hair and rolled down her face, trailing down towards the light fabric of her hood’s neck, where they collectively absorbed into the fabric.

Mackenzie stole a peek around the corner of the giant maple tree where the two of them hid. Though far away from the action, she could see the Monster standing just beyond the arching entrance of the clearing. Someone was yelling – she couldn’t make out who, but from the left side of the clearing came several glowing orbs of orange energy that barraged into the Monster’s side, nearly sending it forcibly to the ground.

Mashing her lips between her teeth, Mackenzie forced herself to look away, dabbing the damp sweater against the Eri’s face and forehead some more.

-Heiress: The Master of Monsters

Anyway, drawing.

One thing I've always dreamed of doing is putting together my own comic book -- or at least a serialized web comic. I love comic books as an artistic story-telling medium, and to be able to adapt one of my books into such a medium would be a pretty amazing thing, I think.

I have tried it before, but the problem keeps going back to the cerebral palsy: because of it, I have a great strain drawing what I see in my head. In drawing an entire issue of Heiress's first chapter, most of the time, the drawings vary in quality and style.

The black-haired girl's face can't decide
if it's round or oval. :(

I've found that the notions of Angles and Perspective don't like me very much. I don't like them very much either -- which really does put a damper on the whole "I want to draw comic books" thing.

I find I'm a lot better when it comes to actual portraits -- Portraits, as tame and boring as they can be, are pretty fun, and have helped me in the past when I want to draw out characters from my books to show people what they're supposed to look like (I'm such a controlling author, I know), but even then, the difficulty of fighting with my hand and trying to draw what I see in my head tends to rear its ugly head.

This is actually one of my favourites. To me, it has that sort of "vintage animation" feel.

So while most times, I'll be able to draw things like the contours of a face, or even the eyes and nose, things like hair completely baffle me -- even with points of references. Hair is evil. I hate it.

I'm bitching. Let's move on.

I'm sure if I just kept at it and at it day in and day out, I'd get somewhat of a grasp on things. Probably. Most likely. Trust me, I'm not using the cerebral palsy thing as a crutch -- but that doesn't deter the fact that it's there and that it does, indeed, affect things that I do -- drawing included.

A few years ago, I actually tried to use the CP to my advantage. I had the idea that if my hands wouldn't let me draw what exactly I saw in front of me, I try to would work WITH them, instead of AGAINST them.

This went two ways: an art style I tried to develop, simply known as Grunge Art, and drawing in Photoshop using just the computer mouse.

An example of Grunge Art. Very blocky, and rough-looking.

...And actually, for a time, this worked out for the most part. I don't do the Grunge Art anymore outside of doodling -- simply because the CP was pissing me off and I'd more often than not throw the sketchbook across the room -- but the mouse-art has really caught on for me. I haven't done it in a long while, but I can easily say with confidence that most of my best work was done with Photoshop.



There's a section on my site that I still need to dump stuff into: It's called The Chamber of Darkness, and is meant for all of my Photoshop-related art. ...But until I figure out how to create a sort of "gallery view" on Wordpress, that section's gonna be pretty bare, unfortunately.

Anyway, I'm going on much too long about this. I just needed to vent. If you've read up until this point, you're a dear and I thank you.

Here's something to end off positively with! I'm working on a new Cat Hat Reviews video. If my timing is good -- and my computer decides it wants to co-operate -- the video should be out before the end of the month; I'm really hoping by Friday of next week.

Regan McNeil VS Emily Rose

A while ago I read one of the most horrifying, controversial works of literature known to mankind. No, it isn't Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand (but you were close if you guessed it!), but The Exorcist, by William Peter Blatty.

The novel, though written in short, sharp sentences that string together to create some of the weirdest structured paragraphs I've ever seen in my life, is hands down one of the most immersing reads I've had in a while (first up being The Omen, by David Seltzer, and last being Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer).

One thing about the book that sort of confused me is that ... well, I found myself laughing more times than I was probably supposed to; the dialogue is just so cleverly penned. But what startled me the most after finishing the read was that never once during the novel was I frightened. Not even remotely disturbed (and if you want disturbing, get the book from your public library and read page 215).

So, upon constantly hearing that The Exorcist's film adaptation is a heavy-handed blow to the horror genre, making the media claim it to be "the scariest movie of all time", my curiosity immeditaly piqued.

Truth be told, a good three or four years ago I tried to watch The Exorcist when it was playing on TV one Halloween night. I flicked the TV on just as Chris McNeil was passing through the kitchen, and the face of Pazuzu, the demon, showed up against the stove's range hood. I jumped. Pretty high. And went to flick the light on just as the Pazuzu's statue face appeared on screen for a quick flash, sending me flying for the TV remote.

"hi asl??"

I don't do well with things that pop up without warning. I think "jump" scares in horror movies are cheap low blows to make up for dodgy writing and directing, and I think the internet "Screamers" you see on Ebaum's World are about the same.

I had a copy of The Exorcist's 2000 rerelease entitiled "The Version You've Never Seen", that I picked up at the Hock Shop a while back, and was really too afraid to watch it, solely based on the experience I had previously. But after reading the book all the way through and absolutely loving it, I decided to suck up my fear and go through with the inevitable.

The opening credits roll...

WILLIAM FRIEDKIN'S
THE EXORCIST

BASED ON THE NOVEL BY
WILLIAM PETER BLATTY

And then two hours later, the end credits roll.
I blink, turn off the DVD player, recline against the couch and think to myself,
"What the hell was I so worried about?"

The movie left the exact impression the book did. I was thoroughly entertained, but not at all frightened.

An interesting little notion popped into my head at that very moment. Either I am extraordinarily desensitized, or people scare much too easily. And it isn't just this movie I've had this feeling with, either.

Now, I realize that horror movies don't age very well unless you were around when they were first released, but something like The Exorcist, which to this day, leaves a mark on people, even young people who weren't alive around its initial release, should have at least left me just a little disturbed, right? I mean, I'm a devout, God-loving Christian. Shouldn't I be scared out of my mind because according to my faith, I believe in stuff like this?

"Your mother waits tables at IHOP, Karras!!"

Not to get all nostalgic again, but compared to the malevolent piles of goat bile known as horror movies of today, I'm glad I have stuff like The Exorcist to keep me in tune with what at least used to scare the wits out of people without the needlessly heavy reliance on CGI that the new millennium seems to stick to, and unoriginal jump scares that really don't do much for the intelligent viewer, because there was nothing in the atmosphere to amplify the need, or even warrant for such a thing.

I think the reason The Exorcist was so frightening, and still is for a lot of people, is because of the film makers' use of toying with the audiences' minds, and the fact that exorcisms and possession are actual documented events.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose, for example, is like the contemporary world's answer to the pathetic slew of "horror" movies we've received over the past twelve, thirteen years. In fact, while talking to my friend about The Exorcist, she honestly thought Emily Rose was a remake.

"What do you mean my lines don't deliver??"

Then again, thinking about it, horror movies have more of an impact in the theatre. The theatre, where it's dark, you're closed in by strangers, and you can't do anything but stare ahead at the panoramic screen with loud surround sound thundering in your ears.

I saw the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in theatre, and it scared the hell out of me. And then when I bought it on home video and watched it on a smaller screen with pathetic mono sound, the effect was lost on me; it wasn't the same.

But... There have been movies that have absolutely kept me up on night when I've seen them on the small screen. People can debate from sun up to sun rise about the credibility of the paranormal and extra terrestrials, but the fact remains: the mere idea, regardless, scares the bejesus out of people - especially when they're on film.

And that's why I think Japanese horror movies, especially modern ones like Ju-On and Ringu, work so well. Not only do they pit the viewers against this world of paranormal activity, but amplifies it to the max, due to the lack of CGI effects.

Again, not to make accusations of "Man, the modern age sucks compared to when I was a kid", but when it comes to films, I think the point is actually valid this time around. Yes, we can do so many great things with CGI technology, but it's to the point where film makers don't even need sets anymore; they just plop the actors in front of a green screen.

Nothing is better than the real deal. Tom Savini once said, "Special effects is literally magic." And you know what else is magic? Maple syrup. The genuine stuff, too. Not that processed factory crap. Mmm... I could go for some right now, actually.

"Maple syrup is the sh*t, Karras!
Just ask Det. Kinderman!"

Though, I guess I really didn't figure why I wasn't a victim of "The scariest movie ever made". Maybe I really am desensitized, but I know when I've seen a good movie. And The Exorcist was a great movie. It's just a shame that precision film making in general has been shot in the dark by Mister Money-Bags.

I know I've mentioned this site before, but once again, if you're into horror, both old and new, check out The House of Horrors. It's a fantastic horror movie site, with interviews, behind the scenes, and even coroner reports for our favourite slasher villains!

Seasons Change, Time Passes As the Weeks Become Months, Become Years.

All right, so I’m not particularly in the mood to write anything deep or exuberant at the moment, but there has been something on my mind for a long while now, that I would like to address. And, as I ponder more and more upon this subject, I can’t help but feel more and more like I am slowly sinking into a pit of some sort, and in no way can claw my way out.

Good sirs and ladies, I am of course talking about something that, like most God-given things, can be our best of friends, or our worst of enemies:

Time.

I often think back to when I was a child, at home on a Saturday. It felt like I had so much time on my hands I had no idea what to do with it. I used to sit around at the kitchen table, drawing comics and writing stories all day, and not even give a care what time in the afternoon it was.

Now as an adult, I don’t even feel like I have enough time to tie my shoe laces. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but a lot of the time it feels like it. I am a naturally slow person; I like to take my time doing things, because if I don’t I will perpetually make mistakes. So why is it that I’m constantly feeling like I’m being rushed?

Well, it’s because I AM constantly being rushed. Rushed inadvertently by my impatient father, rushed by my perpetually-stressed managers (Four of them!), and rushed by fellow drivers, who, instead of acknowledging the Maximum Limit speed signs as, well, the maximum speed, think of them more of suggestions or guidelines.

Hrm ... This seems familiar...

Unfortunately, not many people understand – or appreciate, for that matter – my mantra of stopping to smell the roses. I don’t know what it’s like outside of Ontario other than what I’ve heard and what I’ve seen briefly from week-long vacations, but it seems to me like our little province has more in relation with the USA than it does with the rest of Canada.

As far as I know, the majority of the population is made up of adults. I’m just going to go out there and take that guess. And the reason I am going to make that assumption is because it would explain why the world as I know it has the mentality of “GO GO GO”, and “NICE GUYS FINISH LAST”.

What I mean by the above statement is that it seems to be a general consensus that as you grow older, time fleets by at a gradual, but equally alarming rate. But then again, it could also be because we’re under pressure by not only other people, but by the media, which has taught us to be more greedy/selfish/impatient than we already are, into the mentality of speed over quality.

Speed over quality. Hm. I notice this trait in so many things… movies, video games, construction – and the most obvious – fast food.

Isn’t it a shame that even bare necessities, such as food and shelter, are left overturned and hampered by such a simple thing as time?

Unfortunately, there are so many things in life that are against us, the most evident being our own mortality. And that’s why I think it’s very important for us to stop running so much, and start walking. Yahweh, Allah, Vishnu, Diana, whoever created us all – I don’t think He or She intended for us to go about in our short lives constantly weaving in and out of traffic.

Last I checked, the hare lost the race.

Stop Calling Me That

I don’t really take offense to a lot, but one thing that absolutely drives me up the wall is when people refer to me as a “dork”, “nerd”, “geek”, “gamer”, or anything else in that respect that may or may not have anything to do with Vulcan hand-shakes and/or what needless story arc some long-running anime is currently leading on hopeless fans by a chain-linked leash and collar – even if said referral is meant to be an affectionate prod.

People consistently call me one or more of these things on a regular basis; at least three times a week. And I don’t, for the life of me, understand why. I’m not even very much in the know about anything that could label me as a member of the nerdcore community. When I write my articles and make my videos, I’m either going by my faded childhood memories, gained experience from observation, my brothers and friends, or Wikipedia.

I guess the reason people point me out to be a nerd or a geek, is because my thought process is so glaringly different from the normal person caught in the bleak crowd of typical humanity. Yeah, well, that’s because I grew up in a family of artists and teachers. That has nothing to do with me being a nerd. It has to do with being taught to think for myself, and outside the box.

Even my brothers think I’m a gigantic nerd (and lazy, for that matter, but what older sibling doesn’t think that of their younger kin?), when in reality, the only reason I know what they’re talking about is because they both were children of the ‘80s, and are themselves nerds and, for the lack of a better term, media snobs. Being the youngest sibling of three, with the older two being boys, I couldn’t help but to be exposed, since they were always stuffing Transformers, Lego, video games, and Star Wars figures into my hands. And unfortunately, talking about nerd-like things is one of the few ways I can relate not only to them, but to my friends as well.

Example, my middle brother, Fanon, is into economics. I know little about economics to the extent he does, other than the fact that North America is financially screwed, and there’s nothing we can do about it unless the people upstairs stop thinking about their own pockets. But we both know and understand web and graphic design. My eldest brother, Squig, works for a racking company and also volunteers for Cub Scouts. I know nothing about racking, other than the fact that I desperately need shelves so I can get crap off my floor and out of my closet. But we both know and understand horror movies.

What happens when you openly wave around a copy of
The Star Wars Holiday Special at a Star Trek convention

Another example: Squig once mentioned how I know Bruce Campbell’s filmography off by heart. I don’t – he does. But he just assumes that I’m instantaneously into everything he’s into, because we get along so well. Natural.

In fact, the last time I watched a Bruce Campbell movie was about six months ago – and before that, almost a year; and both movies were terrible, forgettable titles. At the most, watching them made me feel pity toward Campbell, because it’s so mind-numbingly clear that he’s a talented actor, and he’s pissing all over his resume, just so he can have the title of “King of the B-Movie”. With the age of rampant crapola in the box office, we need someone like him to help rectify the cinematic fecal tornado of the 2000s – not add to it.

“Yeah, but you primarily write about and review old video games! You must be a nerd! Only nerds play games from twenty years ago!”

Correction: It's what I've been exposed to. I have been playing the old-school Nintendo since I was three years old. Not because it’s “cool to play retro games”. Not because I’m goth, and “that’s just what goth kids do”. It’s because growing up, my mom was really strict about what games I could play -- and the fact was, I rarely got a new game outside of Christmas or birthdays, or special occasions.

If I wanted a new game outside of the three aforementioned events, I’d have to save up for it myself, or substantially prove why I should have one. Not only that, but I’m slow to impress or catch up on anything. Not just games, but movies, music, and books. I didn’t even get an original Playstation until Christmas of 2000, and already, the forthcoming Playstation 2 was an impending meteor.

To be bluntly honest, I had no idea there was even a retro movement, up until late 2007, early 2008. No, I’m not living under a rock, but it just shows how disconnected I really am from the nerdcore community. Playing Super Mario Bros. 3 for fifteen years, and then discovering that other people were still playing it as well, only made me go “Oh. Okay. Cool, I guess.” I didn’t really think too much about it, because I assumed what I was doing was the norm. If the games still work and are still fun, why not still play them?

It's not just a hobby ... it's a way of life.

As for current-gen gaming, well, nothing honestly reaches for my attention. Oh sure, there’s Fallout 3 and Portal, which I have played and really enjoyed … but I hardly see the justification in spending money that could be wisely put into my university fund, on two games – not to mention a console that will probably end up being replaced in a few more years. I got fed up with console musical chairs after I bought a Game Cube late in its life cycle, and vowed I would never step into the cycle again. Too many wires, not enough space, and quite frankly, I can’t afford it. Not that I play video games all that much anyway. Just enough to satisfy a short urge, and that’s it. I can easily go for a few months without picking up a controller or my DS. In fact, I talk about video games more than I actually play them.

In short, my eighteen-year-old NES has never failed me, and my sixteen-year-old SNES, though beaten up quite a bit, still sings to the high heavens. I’ve already had to replace my PS2 and Game Cube within a matter of two or three years, and I really don’t want to imagine the horrors I’ll eventually be left with if I go out and buy a 360, which is known for its horrendous amount of troubleshooting. If my games still work, are an absolute blast to play even now, and purchasing “new” titles is relatively in my budget, why shouldn't I keep up with my childhood consoles, instead of constantly doling out fifty to eighty dollars when a new game comes in town? Yeah, the games may be nearly ancient, but if I haven’t gotten around to playing a certain title, it’s still new to me!

Incidentally, nor am I at all tech-savvy – I just know enough to survive. In fact, I hate computers; they leave a glaring bad taste in my mouth. Macs are not better than PC’s. And PC’s are not better than Macs. They both have their pros and cons, and really, the only contrast between the two is that you’re paying for a completely different set of technical problems and errors.

I have no idea what people who are into anime are watching right now. I got out of that scene a good seven years ago. It’s rare that I’ll watch an anime, and the few that I stand by are ones that put a profound dent in my “impressions gauge”. Anime like Lain, which talks about the Internet and technology as an addiction and religion; or basically any anime feature directed by Hayao Miyazaki.

I don’t even read comic books or manga that much. I have a huge pile of them, but only because my brothers needed the extra room in their homes – or thought I’d like to get into them, so they dumped all their extras on me, or gave me some for birthdays. The fact is I don’t have the patience for comic books. I can be a mix between OCD and ADD at times, whereas once I miss an issue (or even an episode of a TV show), I instantly lose interest. The only comic I followed through completely was a Christian manga by Marvel’s Buzz Dixon, called Serenity.

“Yeah, but you read and completely rave about Watchmen!”

Watchmen I read, because I wanted to know what the hype was about. And I like great stories. The fact that Watchmen is a comic book and that the main characters are super heroes is just a matter of circumstance. It could have been a TVO Kids claymation with furry elephants and flying macaroons – It doesn’t mean I’m a nerd. Like most people, I enjoy a good, well-told story; Watchmen is that, and it just to so happens to be told in a graphic novel form.

Speaking of raving, there’s very little that I “joygasm” over. If you’ve met me, you’ll know that when I like something, it’s basically, “Yeah, it was good,” or “I think you’d really enjoy this.” …Not “OH MY GOOD GRAVY, YOU MUST SIMPLY EXPERIENCE THIS. IF NOT YOU’RE DOOMED FOREVER RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!” – And the same goes for if someone hates on something I do like. Instead of getting all NERD RAGE (see fig.1) and telling the individual they are an “effing moron” and “do not realize that [insert] is the ‘Gone with the Wind’ of its time,” but instead want to know why they didn’t enjoy whatever it was that I did.

Come on, guys. Street Fighter wasn't that bad... :(

For example, there’s a fellow I know who thinks Pulp Fiction is one of the two worst movies he’s ever seen. Though yes, I do think that’s a far fetched and exaggerated statement, I wondered why he’d dislike something as cinematically profound as Pulp Fiction. ...Unfortunately, he never told me.

…But anyway, if there is something I can’t stop talking about, or go into squeals of glee at the mere mention of, or defend it to the death during a slanderous discussion, you know that whatever the thing is, it’s put a serious dent in my aforementioned and nearly impenetrable “impressions gauge”. Things with great stories, like Watchmen, Vandal-Hearts, and The Princess Bride. ...Things that inspire me to become a better writer, like Stephanie Meyer’s sense of fantastical realism, Terry Pratchett’s cinematic description, and Stephen King’s introspective style. ...Things that made an impact on my childhood, like the use of imagination, living in the country surrounded by forestry, and a sense of strong family and religious values.

Though reading back on this article, as well as past things I've written or said, I do understand why people think of me as a member of the nerdcore community. The fact is, that I’m just so exposed to it on a regular basis. My friends are nerds, my brothers are nerds, and I guess some of the things I enjoy can be classified as nerdy, even though most people take part in very similar, if not exactly the same things.

But it’s not just that. Heck, I’ve even been called “creepy” and “stalkerish”, because I can be so quiet and introverted, that when I step into a room and say “Hello,” people jump! I honestly can’t help it when I sneak up on people. I don’t know how not to. Even when I approach facing them, or use a softer tone, I still surprise the non-paying-attention.

But what folks fail to realize is that the world is not so black and white; you can’t take everything at face value. Being exposed to the medium is far different than partaking in it. Unfortunately though, people are too wrapped up in their own lives and self-centredness to tend to the wonders of perception, or to really care.

And in that sense, why do I even care what other people think of me? I know who I am, and shouldn’t that be the only thing that matters? I suppose, but it does truly grow very wearying when I open my mouth to say something, and even the nerdiest of nerds, and the dorkiest of dorks call me a “nerd” and a “dork”.

It's pretty bad when these guys say you're nerdier than they are.

The fact is, it makes steam pour out my ears, because it just shows that people are just too uninterested in really getting to know me, and instead think they can summarize my personality in a faulty point-form check-list and stereotype labeling system and be done with me.

To be honest, I very rarely am able to finish my points or properly explain myself because I’m always interrupted or being selectively heard – so it’s usually assumed that what I’m talking about is so niche. And the only thing I can do about the inaccurate “nerd” label is laugh and say “no I’m not,” and ignore people when they rebut with “yes you are." (trust me this actually happens)

And the reason it makes me so angry is because I go out of my way to be friendly and try to get to know people as best I can. Believe it when I say being outward and boisterous does not come easy for me – and it makes me wonder why I should even bother trying at times, if people won’t give me the same sort of respect and time I offer them.

E3? More like Zzzzz3

It's amazing. It really is. I remember when I was a kid, and I bought my first issue of Nintendo Power magazine, and it had a full, four-paged article about the Summer C.E.S. '92 expo. Reading about the huge convention really got my blood pumping, and even now, reading it as an adult, I find myself saying "Oh, wow!"

E3 has just finished up for the year, and to be honest, I could have cared less that it was going on. Even as friends and expo-goers gush about the new games and technologies, I find myself yawning or rolling my eyes. I suppose the ill feelings stem from my not really caring about video games now like I did when I was a seventeen year old, let alone a seven year old. That, and just the fact that the video game industry as a whole has changed and grown so vastly (in the wrong direction, in my honest opinion) -- and let's face it, the last two E3 expos were not very good.

...I somehow think their approach to protesting E3's "Booth Babes" is a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit flawed.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that North America has taken back its "rightful" seat in the monopoly of game-making -- something we haven't seen since the '70s and early '80s. As we all know, Japan's basically held our eggs for us since Nintendo changed the world in '85, and unceremoniously shunted North American and European companies into the minority and PC gaming.

And though this may seem like a really big "OH YEAH!" for primarily the Western developers, I sort of noticed something striking; a parallel if you will, between the industry now, and the industry back then.

To put it short: A lack of creativity and/or originality. How many clones were there of several other games back in the day? A lot. If Atari had a Breakout, Intellivision had a similar type of game, and vica-versa. Basically, most Western developers seem to be in it for the money.

Please don't think this is a post saying "Japanese games are better than Western games", because it's not. There are a lot of really good Western games -- in fact, the Sony Playstation is one of my favourite mediums for Western gaming. I just think that the Japanese (whether they're in it for the money or not), coming from a nation so devoted to the arts, know a thing or two about how to come up with creative concepts a little better than we do.

Yeah, you can say that most everything is a copy of something else, and while that is true, that's where the former part of my point comes in. There's nothing wrong with stemming off of someone else's idea, just be creative about it. I mean, Nintendo is even "guilty" of that. Mario Bros. is a completely blatant clone of Joust -- but instead of being a knight flying around on a giant ostritch, you're a plumber trying to rid Brooklyn's sewers of turtles and crabs!

Heck, I may be totally way off with my opinion on modern gaming. I'm really an outsider looking in, and I only recently bought a 360, so I may be wrong on this, but from a first impression viewpoint, all the Western developers are giving us are primarily the following:

-Free-roaming sandbox
-First person shooter
-Music

Not only that but in most of these games you get:

-Brown, muddy graphics and colour pallettes
-Faceless or voiceless heroes (okay this can be easily argued, since Samus Aran of Metroid fame wears a helmet, and Mario and Link very rarely utter a line of text)
-More attention spent on graphics and gameplay than spent on story and controls

But in all seriousness, how many versions of Guitar Hero are there now? It feels like a hundred. And to think, back in the '90s, people complained about Street Fighter 2's multiple updates. I mean, at least Dance Dance Revolution provided a form of exercise -- if I wanted to play an instrument, I'd learn how to play an instrument.

In the same vein, look at all the World War II titles, most (if not all) being first-person shooters, and developed by Western companies. And there's a TON of them. I'm not one to cudgel the Free Speech act, and I don't want to come across as politically correct -- but I really don't think having so many games related to one of the most traumatizing and totally senseless pages of history is particularly, um, tactful? Is that the word I'm looking for? Wolfenstien 3D was pretty over-the-top, especially for the time it was released -- and to be honest, I really think it should have ended there.

I realize it's a pretty pointed thing to say, and A LOT of people disagree with me, but making a video game based around something like World War II is almost as irreverent as someone thinking it would be a good idea to make video games based around the Old and New Testame--oh wait. They did do that.

Has Western gaming really changed much over the years? I can't really tell,
with all the first-persony, insensitivity-to-history-and-culture stuff.

It's also the fact that developers keep trying to make video games more and more realistic. Last time I checked, the reason I played video games was to escape reality. I was watching a friend play Grand Theft Auto 4, and all he was doing in-game was making calls to people on his cell-phone, and driving his drunk friend around to gay bars.

I'm sorry, but is that supposed to be fun? If I wanted to call people, and drive around getting drunk while being hit on by buff men in speedos and bow-ties, I'd go outside; I don't need a video game to do that. And I know that's not all you do in the game, but even when I tried it out on my own, I found myself bored to death within ten minutes.

I remember when I was a kid, most of the video games I played were fantastical, and had completely unrealistic ideas and gameplay mechanics. Man, back in the day, it was freaking manditory for your main character to be a giant polar bear wearing a chef hat, who drove around on a flying broomstick, chucking exploding date squares at his enemies, all so he could save his girlfriend from the evil, fifty-foot purple dragon named Kraw. But then again, most of the games back then were developed and published in Japan, a country, as I mentioned, pretty devoted to the arts.

The fact is, North America -- The United States specifically, couldn't care less about "artsy-fartsy" things. And unfortunately, Canada seems to be following the same path. Do you know how hard it is to get Canadians to pay attention to almost anything produced and sold directly in their own country? Canadian films 80 to 90% of the time go to the wayside, overshadowed by U.S. releases.

The only known Canadian movie that I know
actually made it big inside AND outside of the country.

The literary industry is even worse. Nobody in the Canadian industry wants anything creative. They want heart-felt (aka long and boring) stories that mostly centre around Canadian history or growing up in Canada. It is positively RARE that a Canadian literary agency or publishing house will accept anything that is creative fiction. I only know of three Canadian genre writers, and I always get the same response when brought up in conversation: "Who?"

If you want the perfect definition of the Canadian literary industry, and how it works, go on Youtube and look up any one interview of Margaret Atwood, Canada's best known current writer, and seriously try to watch the entire thing without either falling asleep or finding something else more stimulating.

But back on topic, I suppose that's partly why I just stopped caring about the gaming industry, and the whole gaming expo ordeal. There are a lot of things I despise about the industry as it is (and you'll probably hear about it), but for me, there's really nothing to look forward to -- and even when there is a rare title that actually is pretty creative and new (Bioshock, Fallout 3 -- and Brutal Legend, coming soon), I literally have to get into the mentality to drag myself over to the console for a try-out.

Microsoft's new mascot; Lothar the Warrior Death-Kitten

It would explain why I hold retro games so close to my heart. You could make the argument that there was an over saturation of platforming games, much like there's an over saturation of FPS and music-related titles now, but ... I don't know. They just give me this feeling of fulfillment and excitement -- a feeling I haven't once yet felt about modern gaming.

Everything's Eventual

I'm not entirely sure if it has to do with the weight of the recession we're going through, and the fact that my job is basically going to Hell in a hand basket, but I can't seem to find the energy or motivation to do anything anymore.

It's almost energy-draining just to wake up in the morning. I simply don't understand it. I go to bed at a decent time -- around 11:00 pm or 12:00 am, and my alarm goes off for 7:00 am. But for some reason, more often than not, I find myself wandering over to my cell phone, shutting the alarm off, and sleeping for another two to three hours. And when I finally do wake up, I spend another half hour just laying there.

It's pathetic.

And the worst part about it is, sure I've gotten an amazing amount of rest in me, but around midday, I'm freaking exhausted -- and then I start seriously drifting to sleep around 9:00 pm!

When I started my job at a childrens' clothing store back in '07, I was working about forty-hour weeks. I was coming home with like $1,000 paychecks every second week. I was making $8.00 back then. Now I make almost $10.00 an hour, and I'm barely bringing home $100.00 biweekly.

Needless to say I've got a lot of spare time on my hands -- enough to at least go and find a second job, right?

Yeah, I thought so too, early when the year started. When the new year hit, I was all like, "Yeah, I'm gonna make a life for myself. I'm gonna get a second job, I'm gonna apply for college, I'm gonna--wait how is it already June!?"

Out of everything I wanted to do, I was only able to succeed in applying for college -- and I only just did that last week. And friggin' no one is hiring -- or at least, that's what it feels like. No body wants to take a risk, the way things are going. Out of all the people I know who are looking for new jobs, only one or two have landed one. Sure, there are those who claim the recession's getting better, but obviously they don't work in retail.

My dad keeps telling me to relax, and not to worry so much -- that thirty percent of the population in Canada is still at home, or working crappy retail jobs to try and survive. But you know what, it does bother me. It makes me irritable and somewhat emotionally drained.

It's too much of a chore to get up and do anything. I don't even have the motivation to write anything fictional, or make my videos on Youtube anymore. It's sad, I know. I hate it. And you know, I'm not even going through a depression. I'm not even lazy. I'm just freaking lost. I know what I should be doing, but I just can't for the life of me muster up the energy to do it.

And it really frustrates me.

In a way, it's good that I feel this way. It's good that I know things need to change, and that I'm angry about my current situation. But what can I do about it? What can anyone do about it? When I'm actually working, I see people all the time, come into the store and drop off a resume and fill out an application (Haw haw an application? For a childrens' clothing store? For retail, none the less? It's more likely than you think!), and I almost want to say to them, "Don't bother. Despite what my manager says, it's not likely we'll hire you. We're struggling enough with the employees already here."

But at least they're trying. At least they're trying to get out of this dumb rut and try to stay optimistic.

At least they're trying.

The only thing I have to look forward to is the humble thought that the recession is temporary. That it will end and things will go back to normal. Eventually.

I need the motivation and drive that I had when I was a teenager. I need to get it back somehow. I have to stop sitting on the computer all day, just waiting for tomorrow to come, just to do it all over again, because I'm so bored out of my skull.

I gotta make my own motivation and drive. I need to. I can't give up.

I can't.