Drawing officially stresses me out. ...Which really is a shame, because I kind of enjoy doing it -- and I have been doing it off-and-on since I was a kid. You'd think, since I've been doing it long enough, I'd be a pro or something -- at least be as good as people who've "mastered" drawing ... but I'm not -- the reason being is that I have mild cerebral palsy, so much having to do with hands-on skills can often be a struggle -- which is pretty ironic, if you think about it, since I work in a kids clothing store, folding shirts and pants all day (and yes, that can even be a major pain in the ass for me).
In fact, only a good few of my pieces come out relatively half-decent. Yes, okay, I'm admitting right now that this blog post is mainly here to stroke my bruised ego and to let off a little steam. But you gotta admit, it's really a potful of piss when something you've been doing for years doesn't in fact work out for you -- despite the fact that you're friggin' determined to keep at it.
Actually, I'm starting to see this pattern with my writing. I love to write, but I'll get these random -- and frequent -- days where I just sit back and think, "Wow. My fiction skills are complete shit." Sure, I kick ass when it come to writing dialogue, but when description rears its ugly head, my brain turns into pancakes. This pisses me off to no end, because when I write, everything plays out in my head like a movie, and I want to write what I internally see, and in my opinion, most of the time I can't convey that. ...I mean, I've been working on the first book of a trilogy for EIGHT-GOD-FORSAKEN-YEARS and it STILL needs work past its FIFTEENTH DRAFT.
Beads of cool water dripped from Eri’s hair and rolled down her face, trailing down towards the light fabric of her hood’s neck, where they collectively absorbed into the fabric.
Mackenzie stole a peek around the corner of the giant maple tree where the two of them hid. Though far away from the action, she could see the Monster standing just beyond the arching entrance of the clearing. Someone was yelling – she couldn’t make out who, but from the left side of the clearing came several glowing orbs of orange energy that barraged into the Monster’s side, nearly sending it forcibly to the ground.
Mashing her lips between her teeth, Mackenzie forced herself to look away, dabbing the damp sweater against the Eri’s face and forehead some more.
-Heiress: The Master of Monsters
One thing I've always dreamed of doing is putting together my own comic book -- or at least a serialized web comic. I love comic books as an artistic story-telling medium, and to be able to adapt one of my books into such a medium would be a pretty amazing thing, I think.
I have tried it before, but the problem keeps going back to the cerebral palsy: because of it, I have a great strain drawing what I see in my head. In drawing an entire issue of Heiress's first chapter, most of the time, the drawings vary in quality and style.
I've found that the notions of Angles and Perspective don't like me very much. I don't like them very much either -- which really does put a damper on the whole "I want to draw comic books" thing.
I find I'm a lot better when it comes to actual portraits -- Portraits, as tame and boring as they can be, are pretty fun, and have helped me in the past when I want to draw out characters from my books to show people what they're supposed to look like (I'm such a controlling author, I know), but even then, the difficulty of fighting with my hand and trying to draw what I see in my head tends to rear its ugly head.
So while most times, I'll be able to draw things like the contours of a face, or even the eyes and nose, things like hair completely baffle me -- even with points of references. Hair is evil. I hate it.
I'm bitching. Let's move on.
I'm sure if I just kept at it and at it day in and day out, I'd get somewhat of a grasp on things. Probably. Most likely. Trust me, I'm not using the cerebral palsy thing as a crutch -- but that doesn't deter the fact that it's there and that it does, indeed, affect things that I do -- drawing included.
A few years ago, I actually tried to use the CP to my advantage. I had the idea that if my hands wouldn't let me draw what exactly I saw in front of me, I try to would work WITH them, instead of AGAINST them.
This went two ways: an art style I tried to develop, simply known as Grunge Art, and drawing in Photoshop using just the computer mouse.
...And actually, for a time, this worked out for the most part. I don't do the Grunge Art anymore outside of doodling -- simply because the CP was pissing me off and I'd more often than not throw the sketchbook across the room -- but the mouse-art has really caught on for me. I haven't done it in a long while, but I can easily say with confidence that most of my best work was done with Photoshop.
There's a section on my site that I still need to dump stuff into: It's called The Chamber of Darkness, and is meant for all of my Photoshop-related art. ...But until I figure out how to create a sort of "gallery view" on Wordpress, that section's gonna be pretty bare, unfortunately.
Anyway, I'm going on much too long about this. I just needed to vent. If you've read up until this point, you're a dear and I thank you.
Here's something to end off positively with! I'm working on a new Cat Hat Reviews video. If my timing is good -- and my computer decides it wants to co-operate -- the video should be out before the end of the month; I'm really hoping by Friday of next week.