Stupid Anatomy. :(

Drawing officially stresses me out. ...Which really is a shame, because I kind of enjoy doing it -- and I have been doing it off-and-on since I was a kid. You'd think, since I've been doing it long enough, I'd be a pro or something -- at least be as good as people who've "mastered" drawing ... but I'm not -- the reason being is that I have mild cerebral palsy, so much having to do with hands-on skills can often be a struggle -- which is pretty ironic, if you think about it, since I work in a kids clothing store, folding shirts and pants all day (and yes, that can even be a major pain in the ass for me).

In fact, only a good few of my pieces come out relatively half-decent. Yes, okay, I'm admitting right now that this blog post is mainly here to stroke my bruised ego and to let off a little steam. But you gotta admit, it's really a potful of piss when something you've been doing for years doesn't in fact work out for you -- despite the fact that you're friggin' determined to keep at it.

Actually, I'm starting to see this pattern with my writing. I love to write, but I'll get these random -- and frequent -- days where I just sit back and think, "Wow. My fiction skills are complete shit." Sure, I kick ass when it come to writing dialogue, but when description rears its ugly head, my brain turns into pancakes. This pisses me off to no end, because when I write, everything plays out in my head like a movie, and I want to write what I internally see, and in my opinion, most of the time I can't convey that. ...I mean, I've been working on the first book of a trilogy for EIGHT-GOD-FORSAKEN-YEARS and it STILL needs work past its FIFTEENTH DRAFT.

Beads of cool water dripped from Eri’s hair and rolled down her face, trailing down towards the light fabric of her hood’s neck, where they collectively absorbed into the fabric.

Mackenzie stole a peek around the corner of the giant maple tree where the two of them hid. Though far away from the action, she could see the Monster standing just beyond the arching entrance of the clearing. Someone was yelling – she couldn’t make out who, but from the left side of the clearing came several glowing orbs of orange energy that barraged into the Monster’s side, nearly sending it forcibly to the ground.

Mashing her lips between her teeth, Mackenzie forced herself to look away, dabbing the damp sweater against the Eri’s face and forehead some more.

-Heiress: The Master of Monsters

Anyway, drawing.

One thing I've always dreamed of doing is putting together my own comic book -- or at least a serialized web comic. I love comic books as an artistic story-telling medium, and to be able to adapt one of my books into such a medium would be a pretty amazing thing, I think.

I have tried it before, but the problem keeps going back to the cerebral palsy: because of it, I have a great strain drawing what I see in my head. In drawing an entire issue of Heiress's first chapter, most of the time, the drawings vary in quality and style.

The black-haired girl's face can't decide
if it's round or oval. :(

I've found that the notions of Angles and Perspective don't like me very much. I don't like them very much either -- which really does put a damper on the whole "I want to draw comic books" thing.

I find I'm a lot better when it comes to actual portraits -- Portraits, as tame and boring as they can be, are pretty fun, and have helped me in the past when I want to draw out characters from my books to show people what they're supposed to look like (I'm such a controlling author, I know), but even then, the difficulty of fighting with my hand and trying to draw what I see in my head tends to rear its ugly head.

This is actually one of my favourites. To me, it has that sort of "vintage animation" feel.

So while most times, I'll be able to draw things like the contours of a face, or even the eyes and nose, things like hair completely baffle me -- even with points of references. Hair is evil. I hate it.

I'm bitching. Let's move on.

I'm sure if I just kept at it and at it day in and day out, I'd get somewhat of a grasp on things. Probably. Most likely. Trust me, I'm not using the cerebral palsy thing as a crutch -- but that doesn't deter the fact that it's there and that it does, indeed, affect things that I do -- drawing included.

A few years ago, I actually tried to use the CP to my advantage. I had the idea that if my hands wouldn't let me draw what exactly I saw in front of me, I try to would work WITH them, instead of AGAINST them.

This went two ways: an art style I tried to develop, simply known as Grunge Art, and drawing in Photoshop using just the computer mouse.

An example of Grunge Art. Very blocky, and rough-looking.

...And actually, for a time, this worked out for the most part. I don't do the Grunge Art anymore outside of doodling -- simply because the CP was pissing me off and I'd more often than not throw the sketchbook across the room -- but the mouse-art has really caught on for me. I haven't done it in a long while, but I can easily say with confidence that most of my best work was done with Photoshop.



There's a section on my site that I still need to dump stuff into: It's called The Chamber of Darkness, and is meant for all of my Photoshop-related art. ...But until I figure out how to create a sort of "gallery view" on Wordpress, that section's gonna be pretty bare, unfortunately.

Anyway, I'm going on much too long about this. I just needed to vent. If you've read up until this point, you're a dear and I thank you.

Here's something to end off positively with! I'm working on a new Cat Hat Reviews video. If my timing is good -- and my computer decides it wants to co-operate -- the video should be out before the end of the month; I'm really hoping by Friday of next week.

Hard Candy: A Digital Monologue

I love movies that provide a means to empower and inspire certain sects of audiences. They come to us, shining in the darkness, when the endless tidal wave of cinematic schlock rains upon us, trying to convince the mass society that "thinking" and "being challenged" are bad things; that we should only concern ourselves with disengaging mental-melts like Meet The Spartans, The Final Destination (Really? Really? the FINAL destination? What were the first three? Pit stops?), as well as any Eddie Murphy entry over the last five-to-seven years.

I like to think that everybody, I don't care who you are, can stumble upon something in the entertainment industry and become latched to the thing -- can bond with it oh so well -- almost as if the creator produced that whatever-it-is (be it a movie, a book, a video game, a song, etc) with that one person specifically in mind.

For me, it was a movie called Hard Candy.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees that red hoodie as an
allusion to the story of Little Red Riding Hood.

I've been exposed to a great number of films over the past few days, but out of all of them, I felt the need to talk about this one, first. Hard Candy was released in 2005, starring a pre-Juno Ellen Page and a pre-Watchmen Patrick Wilson (with post-Double Happiness and during-Grey's Anatomy Sandra Oh).

I can summarize the plot of Hard Candy in about a single sentence: Hayley, a 14-year-old honour student gets lured over the Internet and into the arms of Jeff, a 32-year-old "photographer" -- but when the two head back to Jeff's place, the oh-so-familiar and traumatizing story of the owl hunting the mouse pulls a complete and unexpected 180:

The mouse hunts the owl.

I'm not sure if the screenwriter of this movie was himself affected by online predators, or if he knew someone pretty close who was -- but as a victim of long-term chat room pedophilia myself (among other things ... but let's not get into that) -- at the very age that Ellen Page portrays in Hard Candy ... well, I'm not sure about you guys, but I don't think it was an accident that during a weekly Double-Feature night, one of my close friends just so happened to bring the DVD on a whim, when internally I recently started coming to terms with things that happened in my past. Somebody "upstairs" was watching out, in my opinion.

Happy birthday, Mister f*cking President.

Anyway, I'd like to talk about the movie itself. It's almost two hours, and a good 95% pure dialogue -- another 75% taking place inside Jeff's studio condo. And yeah, okay, you can say "95% dialogue" about most movies, but Hard Candy comes off differently. Before we started watching it, my other close friend said that the movie could have easily been pulled off as a stage play; and while at the time I didn't understand what he meant, I sure do now.

There are only six characters in the entire film: Haley, Jeff, Sandra Oh's character who appears briefly in two scenes (which is hilarious in my opinion, because she gets third billing on the DVD case), a girl from Jeff's past (who you barely see at all), a cashier, and an uncredited extra who comes out of a diner bathroom.

Okay, technically, three characters, but the fact remains that it's a very manageable cast of characters conveying an intense, brain-wringing plot through a scant two locations (three, if you include the roof and yard of Jeff's condo). Hard Candy wasn't written for the stage, but its just as basic and enveloping. Honestly, the first time I watched it, I was expecting the screen to go black and the words "INTERMISSION" to appear in big blocky white letters around the mid-point of the film.

Nite Owl: Mild-mannered child molester by day,
crime-fighting manic depressant by night.

The acting in Hard Candy is absolutely phenomenal. It's no surprise that Page and Wilson have secured themselves in their acting careers now. It's actually pretty scary how well Ellen Page comes across as a dependent, dopey fourteen-year-old in the first act of the movie, only to turn on one heel and show us how effing vengeful and bat-shit insane her character really is. It also doesn't help that she actually looks like a kid -- especially in this movie -- but again in Juno. Patrick Wilson is set up to be this smooth-talking, persuasive sort of person, and my God, does he play it well. Even past the point when it's very evident what he is and what his intentions are, it's somewhat difficult at times to not be sympathetic towards his character.

I'm surprised Hard Candy isn't a mainstream title, and I have a feeling that has to do with it being an indy film, sadly. I'd heard the name of the movie mentioned a few years ago, but had no idea what it was until last Sunday evening when I saw it for the first time -- and the same for my dad when I showed it to him a few days later. And what strikes me odd about this movie is that it's filed under the Horror genre. If you ask me, it's anything but a horror movie -- in fact, it should be listed high up there with those other inspirational films like Forrest Gump and Pursuit of Happyness!

I mean, technically, I guess -- Hard Candy could be a horror movie -- if you're a pedophile, that is.

As terribly awkward and painful that position must be,
Ellen Page sure looks like she's sleeping well enough.

For me, Hard Candy is basically To Catch a Predator tripped up a notch by a healthy dose of steroids and acid. I honestly can't recommend this movie enough. Go watch it. The message of this film is a brilliant one not only to child predators, but to any idiot who thinks they have the right to step over illegal/unmoral boundaries: Don't chew the hard candy, because you just might break off a tooth.

Regan McNeil VS Emily Rose

A while ago I read one of the most horrifying, controversial works of literature known to mankind. No, it isn't Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand (but you were close if you guessed it!), but The Exorcist, by William Peter Blatty.

The novel, though written in short, sharp sentences that string together to create some of the weirdest structured paragraphs I've ever seen in my life, is hands down one of the most immersing reads I've had in a while (first up being The Omen, by David Seltzer, and last being Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer).

One thing about the book that sort of confused me is that ... well, I found myself laughing more times than I was probably supposed to; the dialogue is just so cleverly penned. But what startled me the most after finishing the read was that never once during the novel was I frightened. Not even remotely disturbed (and if you want disturbing, get the book from your public library and read page 215).

So, upon constantly hearing that The Exorcist's film adaptation is a heavy-handed blow to the horror genre, making the media claim it to be "the scariest movie of all time", my curiosity immeditaly piqued.

Truth be told, a good three or four years ago I tried to watch The Exorcist when it was playing on TV one Halloween night. I flicked the TV on just as Chris McNeil was passing through the kitchen, and the face of Pazuzu, the demon, showed up against the stove's range hood. I jumped. Pretty high. And went to flick the light on just as the Pazuzu's statue face appeared on screen for a quick flash, sending me flying for the TV remote.

"hi asl??"

I don't do well with things that pop up without warning. I think "jump" scares in horror movies are cheap low blows to make up for dodgy writing and directing, and I think the internet "Screamers" you see on Ebaum's World are about the same.

I had a copy of The Exorcist's 2000 rerelease entitiled "The Version You've Never Seen", that I picked up at the Hock Shop a while back, and was really too afraid to watch it, solely based on the experience I had previously. But after reading the book all the way through and absolutely loving it, I decided to suck up my fear and go through with the inevitable.

The opening credits roll...

WILLIAM FRIEDKIN'S
THE EXORCIST

BASED ON THE NOVEL BY
WILLIAM PETER BLATTY

And then two hours later, the end credits roll.
I blink, turn off the DVD player, recline against the couch and think to myself,
"What the hell was I so worried about?"

The movie left the exact impression the book did. I was thoroughly entertained, but not at all frightened.

An interesting little notion popped into my head at that very moment. Either I am extraordinarily desensitized, or people scare much too easily. And it isn't just this movie I've had this feeling with, either.

Now, I realize that horror movies don't age very well unless you were around when they were first released, but something like The Exorcist, which to this day, leaves a mark on people, even young people who weren't alive around its initial release, should have at least left me just a little disturbed, right? I mean, I'm a devout, God-loving Christian. Shouldn't I be scared out of my mind because according to my faith, I believe in stuff like this?

"Your mother waits tables at IHOP, Karras!!"

Not to get all nostalgic again, but compared to the malevolent piles of goat bile known as horror movies of today, I'm glad I have stuff like The Exorcist to keep me in tune with what at least used to scare the wits out of people without the needlessly heavy reliance on CGI that the new millennium seems to stick to, and unoriginal jump scares that really don't do much for the intelligent viewer, because there was nothing in the atmosphere to amplify the need, or even warrant for such a thing.

I think the reason The Exorcist was so frightening, and still is for a lot of people, is because of the film makers' use of toying with the audiences' minds, and the fact that exorcisms and possession are actual documented events.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose, for example, is like the contemporary world's answer to the pathetic slew of "horror" movies we've received over the past twelve, thirteen years. In fact, while talking to my friend about The Exorcist, she honestly thought Emily Rose was a remake.

"What do you mean my lines don't deliver??"

Then again, thinking about it, horror movies have more of an impact in the theatre. The theatre, where it's dark, you're closed in by strangers, and you can't do anything but stare ahead at the panoramic screen with loud surround sound thundering in your ears.

I saw the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in theatre, and it scared the hell out of me. And then when I bought it on home video and watched it on a smaller screen with pathetic mono sound, the effect was lost on me; it wasn't the same.

But... There have been movies that have absolutely kept me up on night when I've seen them on the small screen. People can debate from sun up to sun rise about the credibility of the paranormal and extra terrestrials, but the fact remains: the mere idea, regardless, scares the bejesus out of people - especially when they're on film.

And that's why I think Japanese horror movies, especially modern ones like Ju-On and Ringu, work so well. Not only do they pit the viewers against this world of paranormal activity, but amplifies it to the max, due to the lack of CGI effects.

Again, not to make accusations of "Man, the modern age sucks compared to when I was a kid", but when it comes to films, I think the point is actually valid this time around. Yes, we can do so many great things with CGI technology, but it's to the point where film makers don't even need sets anymore; they just plop the actors in front of a green screen.

Nothing is better than the real deal. Tom Savini once said, "Special effects is literally magic." And you know what else is magic? Maple syrup. The genuine stuff, too. Not that processed factory crap. Mmm... I could go for some right now, actually.

"Maple syrup is the sh*t, Karras!
Just ask Det. Kinderman!"

Though, I guess I really didn't figure why I wasn't a victim of "The scariest movie ever made". Maybe I really am desensitized, but I know when I've seen a good movie. And The Exorcist was a great movie. It's just a shame that precision film making in general has been shot in the dark by Mister Money-Bags.

I know I've mentioned this site before, but once again, if you're into horror, both old and new, check out The House of Horrors. It's a fantastic horror movie site, with interviews, behind the scenes, and even coroner reports for our favourite slasher villains!

Whoops.

Well, I suppose it's time I apologize to this blog for going off and doing my own thing, by bribing its forgiveness with a bouquet of roses, hoping it will forget my abandonment. Yet so, little miss ItDoMD sits there with arms crossed, glowering at me with "the look", while demanding, "What happened to us? I thought I was something special to you, Lavender," followed by, "Is there ... Is there another? Have you been going to Xanga? Don't lie! I KNOW HOW LIVE JOURNAL LOOKS AT YOU IN THE SUPER MARKET!"

Truth be told, I've simply lost track of time. Remember that blog entry I made a while ago about passing time and people having lack of patience and all that jazz? Well yeah, that kind of happened to me -- the passing time thing.

I'm not sure where the last few months went -- let alone the entirety of the whole last year. And already, as 2010 is upon us, I feel it's not even getting better. Already it's the middle of January, and I feel like I went to my Aunt's for New Years dinner just last week -- and to think, I have a college entry exam I need to prepare for at the end of the month!

It seems like Doc Brown is almost outta time.
...I can totally relate. Damn damn. :(

Anyway, I guess I should give you guys a bit of an update on what's been going on in the ol' Life and Times of Lavender ... um ... Wow. I don't have a last name on the Internet.

Joke, prepped, launched, failed, aborted.

Crashburn.

Etc.

Anyway. So yeah, in November I took part in a world-wide literary event-thinger called NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), that takes place ... well ... during the whole of November, with a unified wordcount goal of fifty-thousand words. Gory details cut short, I made my fifty-thousand word goal (actually passed it by about two thousand words). The story has a beginning and and end, but no middle -- so that's something I'm going to have to work on.

What's it about? Uhh ... Basically about this girl in 1897 who dies and goes to Purgatory, and needs to find her way to Heaven, or something to that extent. That's the plot in a sentence.

My alleged "war on the video game industry" has come to a slight halt, as my dad expressed in interest in purchasing a Nintendo Wii, for the sole purpose of getting into shape -- so now my own interest has been tickled, since while at my Aunt's house for New Years, I got a chance to extensively try out the Wii, and near instantly got hooked on Wii Sports Resort (The sword fighting and table-top tennis are amazing, inmynotsohumbleopinion).

Walk in. See this. What do?

Other than that, I picked up a second job listing text books on Amazon, which is pretty great and fun. The lady I work with is a pretty awesome person, and I just pray I am pretty competant with all that I have to do for her.

I also started reading again -- quite heavily. For Christmas I was bestowed a mountain of books (Okay, not quite a mountain, but slightly larger than a mole hill), including The Divine Comedy trilogy, by Dante (which I specifically asked for in regards to the NaNo novel I was working on), as well as the two sequel novels to novelized version of The Ring, written by Japanese Stephen King, Koji Suzuki. I've also been picking off books that I've had in my library (snortgiggle, "library") for a while and never had a chance to get around to, so that feels pretty good.

So yeah, that's basically been about it. I just want to apologize to those of you who come venturing from my youtube channel (all three and a half of you). I'm sorry for the dramatic lack of site content, and I know I keep promising that Cat Hat Review of Vandal Hearts 2, but it's like I said: Time has just escaped me. I am working on it though! Once I get my new video camera (which should be by the end of the month) things should get rolling, and site content should be more consistent.

Lavender's Top Ten Halloween Movies

Writer's Note: This was initially the script to an elaborate video I wanted to put together, but recently, the editing program I have just kept corrupting files and just refused to work properly. After three solid attempts, I just gave up on it for now, until I find a better program. So here's the script I wrote out for the segment -- enjoy!

_______________


Mwahahaha! It’s that time of year again! Halloween, or as I like to call it, Goth Christmas, is just around the corner: the one holiday out of the year devoted to embracing and embellishing the very things we otherwise would gladly banish from our minds.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that the ‘70s and ‘80s were the prime of the horror genre, bringing us classics such as Dawn of the Dead, The Last House on the Left, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Evil Dead – and of course the king pins: Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm St. Unfortunately, since the mid ‘90s, and especially, I find, into this past decade, the horror genre hasn’t been the same: littered with un-needed remakes, pathetic jump scares, and the PG-13 rating. Though don’t get me wrong, there have been diamonds in the rough.

"Smile for the camera, Hexen Dethshadow!"

Anyway, I thought it would be a great and appropriate opportunity to peg off some of my favourite horror movies, in no particular order. Naturally, there are more than a fistful of fright-filled films out there, and admittedly, I’m not as well versed as other horror movie buffs, so don’t get all nasty on me when movies you hate or like do or don’t appear on this list – that’s the beauty of the internet – if you don’t agree with me, you can make a list of your own.

Well, without further ado, this is my personal top 10 halloween movies.

#10

This one’s for the kiddies. While the title is actually pretty misleading, it’s still one of my favourite Halloween-orientated movies. The movie is based off a novel written by RL Stine, the king of children’s horror literature back in the ‘90s, with book series like Goosebumps and Fear Street.
When Good Ghouls Go Bad is about this kid named Danny, who moves to the sleepy town of Walker Falls, a municipality named after Danny’s namesake lineage. The town hasn’t celebrated Halloween in over twenty years, due to the Curse of Curtis Danko, a kid who was burned alive in the school’s kiln and swore revenge over the town if the holiday was ever celebrated again.

But Danny’s negligent father is obsessed with reopening the family Chocolate factory and using Halloween as a means to do so. Unfortunately, Danny’s grandfather, simply known as “Uncle Fred” and played by Christopher Lloyd, is killed after he is crushed by a mountain of pumpkins.

But Uncle Fred's love for Halloween unleashes a magic that brings him back as a zombie, as well as giving unlife to the entire deceased population of Walker Falls – including the cursed Curtis Danko. Awesome.

While it’s really not scary by any means, it’s a great movie about the importance of family and being true to yourself, all wrapped up in the spirit of Halloween. It’s cheesy and funny, and just a blast to watch. Christopher Lloyd easily steals the show as undead Uncle Fred. Check it out.

#9

All right, so I realize the Grudge movies aren’t really all that great. They jump from story to story too much, they’re incoherent, and overall just confusing – and that partly has to do with the crossing of a Japanese story and film crew working with an American film company and business men who really don’t “get it”. Let me just say that while yes, the theatrical version of The Grudge was total garbage, the extended director’s cut is worth every penny. It’s chilling, it’s well done, and most important, the story makes sense.

But why bother talking about the watered down remake when you can talk about the far superior original? If you’ve seen the original, you’re basically in for the same plot – but conveyed a whole lot better: A mother and her son are brutally murdered by a jealous husband when he discovers his wife may be cheating on him – raising the question if their son is actually his.

In Japan, there’s a legend that states if you are murdered by someone consumed by a blinding rage, you are doomed in the spiritual world to relive the horrific events over and over – affecting those who come into contact in the physical world. So basically – this house where the family died is a death trap for unwitting visitors.

It’s a very suspenseful and effective story-within-a-story, and what makes Ju-On so frightening are the special effects. Most modern J-Horror still relies on organic effects, stuff we used to use prevalently in the ‘80s and ‘90s by such Masters of the Craft as Tom Savini, before the advent of CGI. And what can I say? Ghosts scare the crap out of me -- especially wide-eyed Asian ghosts.

;_;

#8

This is easily the best entry in the Friday series next to the original, but unfortunately gets so overlooked, mashed in between the clashing horns of the abrasive hatred raged into A New Beginning, and the absolute adoration showered upon The New Blood.

Jason Lives is the third in what many fans refer to as “The Tommy Jarvis Trilogy”, offering a fresh look into the Camp Blood experience, providing a dark sense of humour, an awesome ‘80s hair-metal soundtrack -- primarily provided by the man himself, Alice Cooper -- and even changing Camp Crystal Lake’s name to Camp Forest Green for a breath of fresh air.

Tommy Jarvis, the protagonist from The Final Chapter and A New Beginning, digs up Jason’s long-since rotting corpse, and inadvertently brings him back to life when a bolt of lightning strikes in the middle of a rage-ensued beatdown. Now awake as a soldier of the undead, Jason lays waste to anyone in his way back to Camp Blood, now reopened and active for the first time in years.

This movie is balls-to-the-wall. It goes so far and beyond, it even throws out the rules of surviving a horror movie. Even the squeaky-clean virgin who you'd expect to be the Final Girl ends up getting completely massacred!

Jason Lives is fantastic; The characters are great, the twisted one-liners are perfectly timed, the deaths are just complete eye-candy, and seeing Tommy Jarvis make a return as a bit of a bad-ass, instead of a whiny introvert like in A New Beginning, really makes this movie worth while.

Man, It’s totally great to see Jason have an ongoing rivalry with Tommy, much like Michael Myers and Dr. Loomis. It’s a shame they didn’t go any farther with it outside of the sixth installment. Hey, Corey Feldman! If you could do it with Edgar Frog, you can do it with Tommy Jarvis!

#7

Ahh, childhood: Is there any better outlet for nostalgic memories? Awesome cartoons, classic cereal mascots … AND POSSESSED DOLLS THAT FRIGGIN' TRY TO MURDER YOUR ASS! Child’s Play tells the timeless tale of that one creepy-looking stuffed toy or doll you owned as a kid that you were pretty sure was watching you sleep.

It tells the tale of Charles Lee Ray, or Chucky, the notorious “Lakeshore Strangler”. When Chucky is shot during a getaway heist, he uses voodoo magic to transfer his soul into a popular kids toy, a Good Guys doll. He comes to the realization that if his soul remains in the doll for a certain amount of time, the transfer will become permanent, unless he uses a child as a host sacrifice.

Child’s Play is an interesting story of revenge from the Charles Lee Ray character, and the whole “wild imagination” aspect a lot of adults see in kids, which occurs between the various grown-ups in the film, and the child character of Andy Barclay, played by Alex Vincent.

Admittedly, I’m not familiar with the sequels, and I’ve heard mixed things, but as the story goes, the original has always been said to be the best – and to be honest, with the ending of Child’s Play, the topic of a sequel shouldn’t have even been brought up. You just know that the studios were simply pining for more money, as with what happens with most horror movie franchises. I dunno, that's just my opinion.

Interestingly enough, Catherine Hicks, who plays Andy’s mom, appeared in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home – as did Stephen Collins in the original Star Trek movie. Then the both of them wound up in the lead parental roles in the long-running family show, 7th Heaven. I dunno, I just that that was pretty interesting. Anyway, moving on.

#6

What makes a mad man tick? Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, to me, as well as the more recent Mr. Brooks, is the perfect window. The movie is based off of real-life serial killer Henry Lee Lucas – whoa – Charles Lee Ray? Henry Lee Lucas? Coincidence? Maybe. Anyway -- the movie is based around real-life serial killer, Henry Lee Lucas, who made claim to murdering over six hundred people, declaring to have done so roughly once a week, between the years of 1975 and 1983. Truthfully he was only guilty of eleven murders, including twelve-year-old Frieda Powell: Lucas’s lover and niece to crime-partner Ottis Toole.

As with most film biographies, the plot is exaggerated and embellished, but Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer makes interesting use of this by focusing on Lucas’s reported violent fantasies as opposed to the actual crimes he was found guilty of.

An effective, gripping, and most of all, disturbing movie, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is definitely one to check out. If you’re into the Horror genre, especially biographies of serial killers, and you haven’t seen Henry, you definitely owe it to yourself.

#5

Next up is The Changeling. No, not that other movie starring Angelina Jolie. I mean the unsung Genie Award-winning Canadian horror classic, starring George C. Scott and Trish Van Devere, his real-life spouse.

The movie is based around events experienced by screenwriter, Russell Hunter, while living at the Henry Treat Rogers Mansion in Denver, Colorado. Simply put, The Changeling is about a university music professor and composer, named Dr. John Russel, who loses his wife and daughter in a tragic car accident. To get away from the probing demons of the past, he moves into this abandoned mansion, which ends up being haunted by the ghost of an invalid boy named Joseph, who just wants the truth of how and why he died to be known.

While the average horror buff may think the movie suffers from taking too long to establish the characters and relying too much on jump scares, I can’t help but think that this is one of the greatest horror movies of all time. The relationship between John and the ghost character are a great contrast, as John wants to help the ghost, so he can finally have closure for the deaths of his wife and daughter, and the ghost simply wants to use John as a means of revenge.

The twist in the plot near the end is just so diabolical and priceless; you seriously want to see the ghost of Joseph get his just deserts. And if you thought kids threw nasty temper tantrums when they were alive, you ain’t seen nothing from the wrath of the afterlife.

#4

-Say what you will about the absolute tripe that the Final Destination franchise has turned out to be, but you can’t argue that most people are afraid of dying – to the point that there are a lot of folks who literally live day-to-day, not thinking about what the future brings, because it scares them so much. What can I say? Death is a scary topic, especially when we don’t know what’s waiting for us in the afterlife. And I think the first Final Destination exploits the fear the best.

There’s no point in summarizing the film outside of what it is, because if you’ve seen 2, 3, and the trailer for 4, you already know what you’re in for -- it’s literally the same basic plot over, and over again but with different characters and more graphic deaths. But if you’ve lived under a rock these past ten years well … a kid dreams people are going to die in some huge accident, warns everyone around him, his dream comes true, and all the survivors are picked off one-by-one by a fate worse than what they would have initially experienced. That's all four movies in a nutshell.

The first movie was interesting, because it delved into a theory no one had ever considered before: Death having a kill pattern. But if the survivors somehow skipped their time to die, they could figure out the loop and keep on living.

Though let’s be honest, how long did the screenwriters think the characters could pull this off for? I mean, who thinks of that idea, anyway? Death having an all-encompassing pattern that just looped until everyone was dead? As a kid, I always thought Death was just this guy with a clock, and when your time was up, that was it, no ifs, ands, or buts – you’re gonna die. Oh well.

#3

Of course. How can you have a Top Ten Halloween Movies without Halloween slated somewhere? But why just pay tribute to the first one, when you can pay tribute to part 2, as well? The first Halloween is absolutely classic, and I go out of my way to watch it every October thirty-first. Seriously, what more can you say about John Carpenter’s Halloween that already hasn’t been said? It’s a complex story of family ties, Satanic power, and best of all, babysitter murders.

While most horror movies now rely on excessive profanity and gore, Halloween is a fine testament that less is more. Seriously, despite all the death and chaos, I can’t recall a single drop of blood ever being spilt. John Carpenter truly made a statement by doing that: You don’t need to be over the top to make an effective cinematic experience.

Halloween II picks up literally just as Halloween ends providing a bit of a recap -- which to me, kind of makes it an obligation to watch both movies in a single sitting – much like Kill Bill. Micheal Myers is back with a vengeance, slaughtering anyone while on the search for Laurie Strode.

The most notable parts of this movie belong to Donald Pleasance as Doctor Loomis, and Charles Cyphers as Sheriff Bracket during their chaotic search for Myers, and uncovering what kind of evil he truly is. Personally, it just feels like The Shape is just killing people just for the sake of racking up the body count. Not only that, but the deaths are all elaborate and bloody, compared to the first film, where people were just strangled to death and stabbed.

I also find the pacing of the film drags a lot compared to the first film, which I find can make watching Halloween II all the way through just a bit of a chore. While not as great and cinematically important as the original Halloween, it’s still worth a watch.

#2

Of all the more recent independent horror movies to actually bring “scary” back into the genre, I think writer-directors Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez succeeded with The Blair Witch Project. If you thought Cloverfield had copious amounts of hype and viral marketing surrounding it, 1998 was absolutely bombarded – which would eventually make the film itself one of the most known, as well as one of the most-spoofed horror movies to date.

Taking cues from controversial Itallian horror classic, Cannibal Holocaust, The Blair Witch Project made it seem like the film you were watching could have actually been lost footage found years after the presented events. To further drive the point, a false documentary on The Blair Witch and the missing film students -- which the actual movie focuses around -- was aired before the film’s release. Many people seriously found themselves asking the question, “Is this real? Did this actually happen?”

A lot of criticism that stems from the movie comes from the fact that not a lot actually happens during the film, other than the crumbling sanity and rising mutiny between the three characters as they wander aimlessly through the woods, trying to find their way back to civilization. But the main thing people complain about? The fact that you never see the Blair Witch. But unfortunately, the people who make those claims, while valid, are missing the point of the whole movie: which is that the power of the imagination is much more twisted and frightening than anything that can be shown to you on-screen.

Coupled with the documentary, The Curse of the Blair Witch – which you can easily find on Youtube and come with the DVD release – The Blair Witch Project can prove to be an effectively scary experience that will leave you begging for more.

#1

Whether you’ve seen it or not, whether you’re young or you’re old, everyone’s been exposed to The Exorcist in some way, shape or form. I mean, everybody knows what The Exorcist is! Ask anyone! “Hey, you know The Exorcist?” “Oh yeah, that movie where the girl’s head spins around and she pukes green stuff everywhere, right?” William Friedkin’s adaptation of William Peter Blatty’s The Exorcist is a universal phenomenon, tested by time, infamous as being THE scariest movie of all time.

But what few people come to realize was that there were actually sequels; Exorcist II: Heretic -- which was critically panned and completely destroyed Linda Blair's acting carreer outside of hosting Sci Fi Channel specials and parodies of the very film that made her famous -- and even more obscure, The Exorcist III, directed by the man himself, William Peter Blatty, and adapted from his own novelized sequel, titled Legion.

The Exorcist III, or The Exorcist III: Legion, as I like to call it, takes place fifteen years after the original, and slates the bumbling, yet philosophical Detective Kinderman in the role of protagonist – this time starring George C. Scott, instead of a reprising Lee J. Cobb, who died years after the first film’s release. Detective Kinderman, who still hasn’t come to terms with the death of Fr. Karras, a victim of the first Exorcist, gets thrown into a case involving Satanic murders, and a long-deceased serial killer named The Gemini, a guy who possesses people and goes around decapitating everyone with a huge pair of scissors. It’s great.

It’s a really intense and frightening movie, and I wouldn’t feel right giving anything away, but George C. Scott as Kinderman and Brad Dourif as The Gemini Killer give fantastic performances – and there’s even a great cameo that is overall surprising and satisfying, while helping to tie up the plot. Even William Peter Blatty has been known to say that he’s quite proud of this film, and honestly believes it far surpasses the first Exorcist in both quality and horror. I agree.

...Well, that's it, and ss I said before, there are just way too many great horror movies to just pick ten. And though I’m leaving out quite a few notables, like the Evil Dead Trilogy and the Hellraiser movies, that doesn’t mean I like them any less. There’s a great horror resource site that I frequent at times, called The House of Horrors. It’s a fantastic site run by a truly dedicated fan of the genre. Check it out – and have a happy and safe Halloween, everyone.

Sterilized Dirt

When was the last time I updated this thing? July?

...Uh...

Whoops.

ANYWAY.

I'm pretty excited. I've been working on a website using Wordpress -- and have been pretty amazed with how easy it's been so far. I have a few things up there right now, mostly comprised of videos and select blog entries passed off as "essays" (Hah!).

I'm hoping to update it on a regular basis, as well as this blog, so please take come by and take a look!

www.steriledirt.wordpress.com

Seasons Change, Time Passes As the Weeks Become Months, Become Years.

All right, so I’m not particularly in the mood to write anything deep or exuberant at the moment, but there has been something on my mind for a long while now, that I would like to address. And, as I ponder more and more upon this subject, I can’t help but feel more and more like I am slowly sinking into a pit of some sort, and in no way can claw my way out.

Good sirs and ladies, I am of course talking about something that, like most God-given things, can be our best of friends, or our worst of enemies:

Time.

I often think back to when I was a child, at home on a Saturday. It felt like I had so much time on my hands I had no idea what to do with it. I used to sit around at the kitchen table, drawing comics and writing stories all day, and not even give a care what time in the afternoon it was.

Now as an adult, I don’t even feel like I have enough time to tie my shoe laces. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but a lot of the time it feels like it. I am a naturally slow person; I like to take my time doing things, because if I don’t I will perpetually make mistakes. So why is it that I’m constantly feeling like I’m being rushed?

Well, it’s because I AM constantly being rushed. Rushed inadvertently by my impatient father, rushed by my perpetually-stressed managers (Four of them!), and rushed by fellow drivers, who, instead of acknowledging the Maximum Limit speed signs as, well, the maximum speed, think of them more of suggestions or guidelines.

Hrm ... This seems familiar...

Unfortunately, not many people understand – or appreciate, for that matter – my mantra of stopping to smell the roses. I don’t know what it’s like outside of Ontario other than what I’ve heard and what I’ve seen briefly from week-long vacations, but it seems to me like our little province has more in relation with the USA than it does with the rest of Canada.

As far as I know, the majority of the population is made up of adults. I’m just going to go out there and take that guess. And the reason I am going to make that assumption is because it would explain why the world as I know it has the mentality of “GO GO GO”, and “NICE GUYS FINISH LAST”.

What I mean by the above statement is that it seems to be a general consensus that as you grow older, time fleets by at a gradual, but equally alarming rate. But then again, it could also be because we’re under pressure by not only other people, but by the media, which has taught us to be more greedy/selfish/impatient than we already are, into the mentality of speed over quality.

Speed over quality. Hm. I notice this trait in so many things… movies, video games, construction – and the most obvious – fast food.

Isn’t it a shame that even bare necessities, such as food and shelter, are left overturned and hampered by such a simple thing as time?

Unfortunately, there are so many things in life that are against us, the most evident being our own mortality. And that’s why I think it’s very important for us to stop running so much, and start walking. Yahweh, Allah, Vishnu, Diana, whoever created us all – I don’t think He or She intended for us to go about in our short lives constantly weaving in and out of traffic.

Last I checked, the hare lost the race.